A Fistful of Flour

Flloyd Kennedy: Thunder’s Mouth Theatre presents: “A Fistful of Flour”. Episode 4 of “Baked Off! Live, Laugh Loaves” a dip and dive into the lives of a bunch of would-be sourdough bread bakers, and of course, their course instructor over there in Brisbane. This episode finds Margot heading over to the doctor’s surgery for a checkup, where she discovers some dodgy shenanigans going on, while Duncan, Freddie and Julianna seem to be having more success with their loaves.  Rosemary, however, has more to contend with than keeping her starter alive.  Enjoy.

SCENE 1. MARGOT EDIE

BIRDS AND DISTANT TRAFFIC. A CAR APPROACHING AND THE HORN BEEPING.

MARGOT:             :              [STARTLED] Wha-?

EDIE:                :                   It's me, Margot.  Do you want a lift? Hop in!

MARGOT:              :             Oh Edie.  Thanks darling. No. I'm just off to the surgery to have a word with Arthur.  He's got my test results.  He tells me I have to walk. Get more exercise. So I'll just keep going.

EDIE:               :                    Oh, but you can walk back

MARGOT:              :             oh well that's true. Okay!

SHE GET INTO THE CAR, CLOSES THE DOOR. CAR REVS UP AND MOVES ON.

EDIE:                :                   it's only a couple of blocks, isn't it?

MARGOT:              :             Yes. But still, it's so true. I'd much rather be walking downhill. Where are you off to? grandkids?

EDIE:                :                   Not today.  I'm going to Sandgate for fish and chips with an old friend.

MARGOT:              :             Whoa, nice. Fish and chips. Sandgate! I love Sandgate.  It used to be our go-to seaside resort when I was a kid.

EDIE:                                  Me too. And Bribie Island.

MARGOT:                          People used to poo-poo Sandgate, because the sand isn't white.  Mudflats, they said.

EDIE:                                  I know.  But it's so pretty, isn't it. The mud has those ripples, you know, when the tide is out. And you can walk for miles out to get to the water.

MARGOT:                          Well it certainly felt like miles when I was a kid.  Oh, turn right here.

EDIE:                ::                 You can come too if you like. I can wait for you.

MARGOT:              :             No, no no, no, I'm not--no I'm not going to be tempted by your fish and chips. No, no, no. I'm sticking to the diet. Well, it's not a diet really. Just eating sensibly. Looking after my health as they say,

EDIE:               :                    Oh, well, that's good. How's the cookery class going?

MARGOT:              :             Oh, that's going well enough. It's quite hilarious. It's such a mixed bag in there. Only about half a dozen of them, if that. They're all good fun in their own way.

EDIE:                :                   And Caro? How's she doing?

MARGOT:              :             Oh, of course. I keep forgetting, you know Caroline. Wasn't she at schooll with your Sylvie?

EDIE:                :                   Yes. They were both St Margaret's girls.

MARGOT:              :             Oh, yeah. Well she's-- she's still Caro.

EDIE:                :                   Aren't you her husband's godmother or something?

MARGOT:              :             Yes, he's the son of a very dear friend of mine. We trained together in Paris.  He's a nice lad. But very easily led, shall we say? And Caro, as you know, considers herself to be a leader.

EDIE:                :                   Hah! I remember, she was so upset you know, when Sylvie was asked to be a prefect and she wasn't. She seemed to think because she was English, she should be in charge.

MARGOT:              :             No, I can well imagine she did. She would have been ghastly as a prefect

EDIE:                :                   Oh! Tell me about it.  So up herself.  They used to call her Caro-me-me-me. Behind her back, of course. Nasty little girls they were. Here we are.  Now are you sure you don't want to come to Sandgate?

MARGOT:              :             No, no, no, I'll be fine. Thank you very much for the lift. Enjoy yourselves!

SCENE 2 Margot, Hilary

CAR PULLS UP ON DRIVE. SHE OPENS THE DOOR, WALKS UP THE STEPS AND AUTOMATIC  DOOR OPENS.  MUZAK playing

HILARY:                                Hello Margo. Haven't seen you for a while?

MARGOT:                             No, aren't you lucky? 

HILARY:                                What, to see you?

MARGOT:                             No! That you haven't seen me. 

HILARY:                                I understand you had a bit of a turn.

MARGOT::                            You're right. I did. Bit of a turn.  So I'm just obeying orders. Arthur asked me to drop by and check in with him.

HILARY:                                Oh! Did he make an appointment for you?

MARGOT:                             I've no idea.  He just told me to come in this morning.

HILARY:                                Well, just a moment, I'll need to check-

MARGOT:                             And I'm off to the little girls room.

SCENE 3  Hilary, William

PHONE CLICKING

HILARY:              :                Hello , Dr Askew? It's Hilary here, from reception.

ASKEW:               :               Yes?

HILARY:              :                Just to let you know, Margot Paresky has just come in, she says Dr Brownlow told her to come in for a checkup.

ASKEW:               :               Oh did he indeed!

HILARY:              :                What shall I do?

ASKEW:               :               Keep her there.  I'll come through and have a word.  Is he in?

HILDAY:              :                Dr Brownlow?  Yes, he's in his office.

ASKEW:               :               Right.  I'll deal with it. Thank you Hilary.

SCENE 4 Caroline Pierre

CAROLINE::                         Now Pierre, I did ask you if you would be home for dinner. It's just not convenient, the way you wander in and out, I need to know when you'll be home, so that I can plan for it. 

PIERRE:                             Aw sorry Caroline.  Honestly, I thought I'd sent you a text message.

CAROLINE:                        Oh, text message.  I don't have time to read those!  Now do you want some food, or don't you?

PIERRE::                            Not really, sweetheart. I'm quite tired.  Think I'll just head upstairs, watch some telly in bed.  You carry on.  Don't mind me.

CAROLINE:                        But it's roast lamb!  That's not cheap you know.  I hate wasting food.

PIERRE:                             Righty-o.  I'll put some on a plate, and take it up with me.

CAROLINE:                        What?  And eat it in the bed?  And what sort of a mess will that make!!!

PIERRE:                             Don't you worry about it, sweet pea. I'll clean it up.  You won't even know I was there.

CAROLINE:                        What?  What do you mean?

PIERRE:                             It's alright.  You carry on.  I'll sort it.

HE MOVES AWAY

CAROLINE:                        Oh.  Alright then.  I'd better get on. [SHE CALLS AFTER HIM]. I'm just getting ready for my Zoom Class.  Are you sure you can manage?

PIERRE:                             Not a problem.  Have a nice one.

CAROLINE:                        Oh dear.

SCENE 5 MARGOT - William, Arthur

DOCTOR'S SURGERY. ASKEW COMES IN

MARGOT:                             Here I am.  Is he ready for me?

ASKEW:                             Ah, Mrs Paresky. How lovely to see you. You are looking well.

MARGOT:                           Am I?  Well that's good.  And it's still Ms Paresky. 

ASKEW:                             Oh, of course. Sorry. Habit.  Never did get the hang of the Ms factor.

MARGOT:                          It has been around for quite a while, you know.

ASKEW:                             Of course. Silly me. What can we do for you?

MARGOT:                         I'm here to see Arthur.  What are you doing here?

ASKEW:                            Hahahah.  It's my practice, you know. My show.

MARGOT:                          Really?  I thought it was a partnership.  Three partners. Which is a bit of a contradiction, when you think about it.

ASKEW:                             How'd you mean?

MARGOT:                          Well, a partnership implies two, but it seems you can have as many as you like!

ASKEW:                             Oh, I see what you mean.  Of course.  But I am the Senior Partner.

MARGOT:                          Even though Arthur was here before you, in fact, I do believe he started this practice himself?

ASKEW:                             Oh but that's not-- I mean, that's really not how it works, you know.

ARTHUR:                           Margot!  You made it!  Morning William!  Come on through Margot!

MARGOT:                              Hi Arthur. On my way.  Catch you later, Billy.

ARTHUR:                              [COVERS A LAUGH] Through here. Come on.

THEY WALK DOWN A CORRIDOR, DOOR CLOSES BEHIND THEM

You been here long?  Nobody told me you were here.

MARGOT:                           Didn't they?  I spoke to Hilary, went to the loo, and when I came back the bold Billy was lurking.

ARTHUR:                            You really shouldn't call him that, you know.

MARGOT:                            Why not?  It's his name.

ARTHUR:                             Dr William  Askew, O.A.M, does not answer to Billy.

MARGOT:                           But little Billy Askew, who grew up on my cousin Bert Askew's cattle station outside Dajarra, and impoverished his parents with his profligate behaviour at the University of Queensland, will never be anything else to me. No matter how many pompous medals he acquires. Why you ever offered him a partnership is beyond me.

ARTHUR:                          Here we are.  Take a seat.  And calm down. It doesn't suit you, taking the high ground. And it doesn't help your heart.

MARGOT:                          Maybe not.  But it's fun.

THEY BOTH GIGGLE.

SCENE 6 Arthur Margot

ARTHUR                            So there you are, that's all the test results. You're good to go.

MARGOT:                          Thank you! In that case, I think I'll go hang-gliding up on Mt Tambourine at the weekend.  Wanna come with me?

ARTHUR                           Don't you dare! What are you thinking, woman? You are good to go quietly, calmly, not--

MARGOT:                          Arthur!  It was a joke?  What is wrong with you? And you know as well as I do, that even though I have no intention of going hang-gliding, not in a million years, neither do I have any intention of going anywhere quietly, or calmly. Good grief!

ARTHUR:                          All right! All right!  No jumping off the side of mountains then.  But - [SIGH] you nearly gave me a heart attack then. Don't do that to me. Please!!! 

MARGOT:                          Well how about you stop handing out partnerships in your practice to snarky little pieces of sh - all we say - unmentionable stuff. What is that about?  Are you thinking of retiring?

ARTHUR:                           Not at all!  No, I enjoy my work, no intention of giving it up until I have to. No, it's just -- when I invited Raman to stay on and join the practice, he pointed out that we were in a pretty good position to expand the practice, and William came along at the right time.

MARGOT:                          And how's that going for you?

ARTHUR:                          Seems to be ok.  Why do you ask?

MARGOT:                          Oh, no reason. Right, I'm going to walk down to Alberto's for a coffee.  Care to join me?

ARTHUR:                           No.  I'm working this morning.

MARGOT:                          Are you then?  Lots of patients lined up, asking to see you personally?

ARTHUR:                          Well...

MARGOT:                          Have you stopped to wonder why Hilary didn't call to tell you I was in?

ARTHUR:                           Not really. I just came out and saw you there...

MARGOT:                          Right.  Well I'm off to get a nice hot double espresso, maybe even an almond croissant.  Let me know when you've had a think about it.

MUSIC -

SCENE 7 ZOOM.

CAROLINE:                        We're still waiting for Margot, so you can chat among yourselves if you like:

JULIANNA:                         Rosemary?  Did you have any better luck this week?

ROSEMARY:                     I tried again on Wednesday, but I think I forgot to feed the starter before I put it into the other ingredients.

DUNCAN:                          You mean, in the morning?  After it had been sitting out all night?

ROSEMARY:                     Yes. I was in a hurry and I just did it. And it turned out sort of ok, I mean it didn't rise up like the last time, but after I cooked it, you know, in the oven, it was kind of doughy inside. Kind of soggy. So I think that must have been it.

FREDDIE:                          But hey Rosie, did you eat it?  How did it taste?

ENTRY DING FOR ZOOM

CAROLINE:                       There she is... at last.

ROSEMARY:                     Not so good, Freddie. I thought it might be ok for toast, but my boyfriend threw it in the bin.

FREDDIE::                            [SPLUTTERED} D**k head.

CAROLINE:                       Now then, Freddie! Language!  If you can't be kind, be quiet.

FREDDIE:                          Who says that?

MARGOT:                          I do. Ok, settle down everybody. Let's have a 'check in', you can all take it in turns to report back on this week's effort. Caro, please mute everybody, and when I call your name, unmute yourself and tell us what happened. Ok?  Yes? 

CAROLINE:                       There you are Margot! All done.

MARGOT:                          Right. Now, Freddie.  We'll let you go first.  How did you get on.... Freddie.... Freddie we can't hear you.  Hit the unmute button! 

FREDDIE:                         Oh, sorry.  Hang on a minute...

CAROLINE:                       What on earth is he doing?  Wasting our time like this?

MARGOT:                           Hold it, Caro.  Let's see.... Ah, here he comes. .. Oh my lord.

FREDDIE:                          There you are. What do you think of that?

MARGOT:                          It's wonderful, Freddie.  Well done you!  Good rise on it. Turn it round will you?  Ah, I see you've had a slice or too. And the crumb is looking good and even.  Maybe a wee bit tight, but it should taste ok.  Does it?

FREDDIE:                         I dunno.  I gave some to the dog. He seemed to enjoy it.

MARGOT:                          [SIGH]. Oh.  Well that's good.  Good job. Thank you Freddie. Now... Duncan?  You ready Duncan?

FREDDIE:                          He's always ready, aren't you Duncan.  Duncan donuts!

MARGOT:                          Please mute yourself again, thank you Freddie.

DUNCAN:                          Here's what's left of mine.  No dog, I'm afraid.  But it seemed to go down ok with a couple of friends. We met up in the park for lunch yesterday, and I made sandwiches.

MARGOT:                          See that, everybody?  See those nice even spaced holes throughout the slice?  That's what we are looking for.  Good job, Duncan.

DUNCAN:                          Oh, thanks.

FREDDIE:                         Smartypants.

CAROLINE:                      Freddie!  Please mute yourself until you are told otherwise.  And if you keep being so rude and unpleasant, I'll have to put you out of the class.

DUNCAN:                          Oh that's ok Caroline! I don't mind

CAROLINE:                      But I do. It is unacceptable.

MARGOT:                          I agree with Freddie.  Duncan IS a smarty pants, and we are very glad that he is. Now, Rosemary, over to you.

ROSEMARY:                     Thanks Margot.  Like I said, my boyfriend threw my loaf in the bin, so I can't show it to you.  I'm so sorry.

MARGOT:                          Not to worry, Rosemary.  How about you show us your starter?

ROSEMARY:                      My starter?  It's just sitting in the fridge.  Looked awful the last time I looked.

MARGOT:                           And when was that?

ROSEMARY:                      About an hour ago.

MARGOT:                           Ok, you go get it from the fridge, and in the meantime, we'll go over to Julianna. You ready, Julianna?

JULIANNA:                         Hi Margot. Hi everyone.  Yes, I've got mine here. Half of it, anyway. 

MARGOT:                           What happened to the other half?

JULIANNA:                         Sammy, my son. And Ade, my husband. They had it for breakfast. Toast, with lots of butter and peanut butter.

MARGOT:                          And they got through half a loaf?  I'm assuming they liked it?

JULIANNA:                        Oh, I believe they thoroughly enjoyed it. It was still warm when they got it.  I just managed to rescue this half before it all disappeared.

MARGOT:                          Well, that says it all, I believe.  Turn it round so I can see. Pretty good rise, and pretty good, even distribution throughout.

JULIANNA:                        It's still not as holey as the ones you get in the cafes though. 

MARGOT:                          Maybe not, but some people don't want that. They want it a little bit more dense, so that the butter doesn't melt through the holes, if you know what I mean.

JULIANNA:                         Oh yes.  Good point.  So I'm doing it right, am?

MARGOT:                           You certainly are.  Now tell me, Julianna, how does the dough feel, the raw dough, how did it feel in your hands, the last time you worked it, you know, before you put it into the final proving bowl?

JULIANNA:                         It felt quite, well, remarkablY smooth, nice and stretchy, but firm enough to hold its shape. A bit bouncy.

MARGOT:                           And that's exactly what you want.  I wouldn't be surprised if you start to get those bigger holes in another couple of goes. Best of both worlds then.

JULIANNA:                         Thanks, Margot.

MARGOT:                           You're most welcome.  Now, Rosemary, are you back?  Let's see that starter.  Hold it up to the camera.

ROSEMARY:                       Is that close enough ?

MARGOT::                           Yes that's pretty good.

ROSEMARY:                      But can you see, it's separating. There's a layer of gooey liquid on top.

MARGOT:                           Yes, I can see that.  And Rosemary

ROSEMARY:                        Yes?

MARGOT:                           Do you see, when you look at it through the glass, how it's full of tiny bubbles?  All the way from top to bottom?

ROSEMARY:                      Yes.  Has it gone off?

MARGOT:                            Does it smell off?

ROSEMARY:                       It smells kind of yeasty.  Is that a word?  Is it a thing? Am I being silly?

MARGOT:                           Not at all, my love.  It is absolutely as it should be. And that yeasty smell is exactly that - yeasty!  That's what you've made there. A nice lively little yeast farm.  Full of yeasty beasties ready and willing to blow your bread out of the oven in the most delicious way.

ROSEMARY::                    But what about the liquid on top?

MARGOT:                          ust mix it back in.  It does that sometimes. Not a problem in the slightest. 

ROSEMARY:                     Oh!  My boyfriend said it was probably rotten.

FREDDIE:                          Has your boyfriend ever made bread?  In his life?

CAROLINE:                         [WARNING] Freddie...

FREDDIE:                            Asking for a friend, you know

ROSEMARY:                        Oh no.  He doesn't cook anything at all.

FREDDIE:                             [MUTTERS]. Now how did I know that I wonder...

MARGOT:                          Right well, he's wrong. It's not, and believe me, Rosemary. You are doing all the right things.  Turning out a decent sourdough loaf requires a lot of patience, a lot of practice, and a lot of skill.  And that takes time.  And it takes longer for some people than it does for others, just like any new skill you want to learn. And you are doing really, really well.  In fact you all are.  I'm impressed!

JULIANNA:                          Bit like life!

MARGOT:                           What was that?

JULIANNA:                          Oh nothing. Don't mind me.  Sorry.

CAROLINE:                          Well, I think that's everyone.  I agree with Margot. Well done, everyone.

MARGOT:                           Just a minute!  Where's yours Caroline?  I thought you wanted to do this too?

CAROLINE:                        Me?  Oh, well... Well mine - oh I'm afraid I can't show you mine.  I did bake one, just the one loaf, and it's all gone.  Finished.  We ate it.

MARGOT:                          We?  You and Pierre? 

CAROLINE:                        Oh yes.  Both of us. We ate it all up. Pierre loved it!

MARGOT:                          Well, that's interesting.  Good for you.  Did you eat it fresh, or toasted, or both?

CAROLINE:                        Ah... both. Yes. Both. Fresh and toasted.  And I made a - a - eh- a bread and butter pudding, as well. And we ate that too.

FREDDIE:                           All of it?

CAROLINE:                        Yes, Freddie. All of it.  What is your problem?

MARGOT:                          I don't think Freddie has a problem, Caro.  And I'm so pleased to hear how successful it was.  I must give Pierre a call sometime soon, we haven't spoken for ages.  Give him my love will you?

CAROLINE:                        Oh, yes... Oh, I certainly will. But he's very busy at the moment you know.

ROSEMARY:                      Who's Pee-yeah? What was it?

CAROLINE:                         He's my husband,

MARGOT:                            And my godson.

CAROLINE:                        Not that it's anybody's business. But as I say, he's very busy just now. I'll get him to call you Margot, when he has time.

MARGOT:                          You do that Caro.  I look forward to it. Oh!  Isn't that Pierre, behind you Caro?  Hi Pierre! You got time for a quick chat?

PIERRE:                            Hi Auntie Margot!  Sorry everybody, didn't mean to interrupt.

CAROLINE:                       Now go away!

MARGOT:                           No, stay for a bit Pierre. We're finished up here, with the class, aren't we Caroline?  Bye for now, everybody, see you next week.

ROSEMARY, DUNCAN, FREDDIE AND JULIANNA SAY THEIR GOODBYES ETC AND LEAVE THE MEETING.

SCENE 8 Caro Margot Pierre

CAROLINE:                        Oh but Margot. I've only booked the Zoom call for a fixed time, it's going to run out any minute.

MARGOT:                          Good oh.  We'll just chat until it runs out, right Pierre? You sit down and Caro- you can leave it to us.

PIERRE:                             Sure thing, Aunty Margot. Aw, thanks darl.  So -- How are you?  I heard you had a stroke or something

MARGOT:                          Heart attack, thanks, and I'm quite recovered.  How about you?  Caro tells me you're very busy.

CAROLINE:                        Yes I-- [IN THE BACKGROUND]

PIERRE:                             Me?  Nah, not a lot going on at the moment. But tax season soon, it'll all hot up then.

MARGOT:                          Well!  You should pop over here to Brissie for a bit of a break. It'd be lovely to see you.  Sun sea and sand, remember.

PIERRE:                             You bet I remember. That's a thought!  Maybe we will, eh darl? Later this year?

CAROLINE:                        Oh but ---

PIERRE:                            Short break.  We could stay at that beaut place under the bridge, food is wonderful there, isn't it Aunty Margot?

MARGOT:                          Last time I checked, it was.  Oh, now, Pierre, I'm not going to ask you how much you enjoyed Caro's sourdough bread

PIERRE:                            Her what?

CAROLINE:                       Please--

MARGOT:                          Her sourdough bread, that she made this week.

CAROLINE:                        Pierre, darling ---

MARGOT:                          Because she's already told me how much you enjoyed it.  Aren't you a lucky boy?

PIERRE:                             Oh?  Am I?

MARGOT:                          Yes you are. You certainly are.  Now, I have to go, Caro's Zoom call is going to run out, and I have places to go, and people to see.  You take care, darling boy,  And get yourself over here.  Don't make me nag you!  Bye for now.  Bye Caroline!  See you next week.

CAROLINE:                        Oh she's gone.  She has gone, hasn't she?

PIERRE:                             She sure has.  So what was that about?  Sourdough bread.  I love sourdough bread.  Where is it?  Can I have some now?  Ohh, yummy...

Flloyd: And here we are, halfway through the series! Only 4 more episodes to go.  IT would be so helpful if you would rate and review, either in your podcasting app, or on the website bakedoffpodcast.com/reviews. Thank you!!  In this episode you heard Bernadette Pryde as Hilary, John Warner As William Askew, Rob Pensalfini as Arthur Brownlow, Andrea Richardson as Caroline, Karim Kronfli as Pierre, Christopher McDougall as Duncan, Roy J Carruthers as Freddie, Erika Sanderson as Julianna, Wendy Lap as Rosemary and Flloyd Kennedy as Margot and Edie. The music is composed, adapted and performed by John T La Barbera.  Please support the show, by sharing it with your pals. And you can either leave a one off tip of $1 or £1 (or more) or take out a monthly subscription at buymeacoffee.com/bakedoff. The actual transcript is available on the episode website bakedoffpodcast.com/s1e4.  Thanks for listening. Stay safe.